if only you would

Waking up early as usual and making it to the office by 8.30am is already a feat, but pulling through the daily morning meeting itself probably took up threefolds the pressure. After that, it has been non-stop working and ensuring every activity will go on smoothly. I finally retired and got out of the office, timing it just before the jam starts to boil, but the weather itself has already been boiling for hours as if any different from the previous days, making everyone on the street extra moody from the heat. Plenty of thoughts along the way home, and now finally comfortably in my room, regaining my composure with the aid of the beloved air-conditioner.

It was unexpected actually, that work is becoming more hectic, demanding more responsibility and effort, gaining even more exposure. People closer to me would probably have been victims of my complaints or dissatisfaction, verbally or simply expressions. But after 11 weeks of training, I would not feel ashamed to admit that working here has garnered me a whole lot of new experience. Being in this field, you make your own business and you are your own boss, and well it has definitely thought me abundantly about being systematic and well-planned, AND planning ahead (well, i used to always think i'm pretty organised). But this by far has been the most crucial: being confident. You might not get this, but you might be confident about executing a task, but yet it is also your lack of confidence that will ruin your build up. Complicated, thats me. It is a lot about how you want to see things in its perspective; it is often about how with your positive intentions, turn a typical mindset into believing what it really is; it is always about striving and being patient and optimistic, turning something deemed impossible into something feasible. It have been many things I lacked of, admittedly.

In a few weeks time, I will be leaving. Holiday for 1+ months surfaces, and still not knowing what I will be doing then, and also yet unsure of whether I belong here and whether I should return, not knowing how much I have carried home from all that I have learnt here. Through all the thorns of pressure, stress, annoyance, frustrations, and impossibles, it has been amazing, overwhelming.

And the pressure resumes...