Why do I feel like, every time I try to be nice, every time I put in more effort, every time I try, it is the more I receive despair, the more I see myself fail. What adds to that is that people don't see the production, they see the product and nothing more.

Why do they see me this way? Why do they react to me this way? Why do they treat me this way? What have I really done this badly to deserve a treatment like this? Because I'm a sinner? Because I'm someone who make mistakes? Because I'm HUMAN? Because of what? I don't even know. Even till the last day, I feel like a fugitive, I feel like I just wish to end it and move on, I just wish the final whistle blows and I could find a lame excuse to dismiss and terminate post-celebrations, as if I belong to it. Why do I feel that way? Why SHOULD I feel that way? What have I done wrong really? It's okay, I don't wish to be involved in everything, and I'm not looking back at it. But I'm glad to see that some at least try, thank you. I don't blame and I don't regret, because it has taught me owh so well.

Why should you feel that way about me? Do you feel robbed and overshadowed by a mere peanut like me? Do you not know me after so many years? Could you have reacted in a more positive manner? I don't regret as well, because it has also taught me well.

I know and you know that you are and you will always be top of my list. I have abandoned many things because I feel there is a more important place to be. I feel I have always tried and done decently, if not brilliantly. But I can't be almost perfect everytime. I have no choice too sometimes. Even when I have to leave, I simultaneously think of the top of my list. I think about what I can do to make up for it. I wish I can be there. But I also wish you see all that.

In fact, am I the one that needs revision? Have I done things I'm so used to I don't even realize what people sees? Have I focused and talked about others too much? Do I really have a big issue that I'm trying to generate it to others and blame it on my situations? Maybe you could answer that for me. But I just wish people would see me in a more positive outlook, then perhaps you could see the inner side of me. Then again, that is only just many wishes and thoughts. It is the world you are talking about. No ifs, no buts. Welcome to Earth.